![]() Leaving a child unwatched or in an unsafe place.Not meeting a child's basic needs (food, shelter, adequate clothing, a decent place to sleep).Using a child in pornography, or showng pornography or other X-rated materials to a child.Having intercourse or oral sex with a child.Fondling a child’s genitals, or having a child touch an older person’s genitals. ![]() Not letting a child eat, drink, or use the bathroom when needed.The APA counts all the following as acts of abuse: “The line can be very blurry and depends on the intent and mindset of the parent and the situation at hand.”Īccording to the American Psychological Association (APA), child abuse includes any type of physical violence or sexual acts, as well as child neglect. There can be overlap, meaning that depending on the context, certain behaviors can qualify in some cases as tough love and in other cases as abuse, Dr. Many parents justify mean-spiritedness under the banner of tough love, says Bruce Bassi, MD, a psychiatrist in Jacksonville, Florida, and the medical director of TelepsychHealth, who has run therapy groups for adults who were abused as children. Strict, authoritative parenting isn’t always toxic, but experts say that it is sometimes used to mask bad behavior. It’s important to point out that different parents have different parenting styles, and some prefer a tough-love approach. Again, she emphasizes that certain behaviors (sexual abuse and violence) are always abusive, no matter the context. “Every family system - with the exception of very obvious behaviors like sexual abuse and violence - will have their own view of what toxic is based on various factors like social norms, family traditions, even specific customs,” Warren says. Naiylah Warren, a licensed marriage and family therapist in Brooklyn, New York, who consults at the mental health care app Real, says the difference between tough love and emotional abuse often comes down to context. But when it comes to emotional abuse, the line between a tough parenting style and problematic behavior isn't so cut-and-dried. There are some types of abusive behavior - physical and sexual abuse - that are problematic in any context (more on that below). What’s the Difference Between Tough Love and Abusive Behavior? Spinazzola and other mental health experts break down why it can be tough to address a parent’s bad behavior, how to determine whether your relationship with a parent is toxic, and what to do about it as an adult. I’m Glad My Mom Died also brings to light the fact that it can be difficult for children to acknowledge a parent’s behavior as abusive, especially when the bad behavior happened many years back. When these bonds are tested and abused, it can certainly lead to trauma and pain long afterward. “We’re biologically wired to have strong attachment needs that are more strongly tied to our primary caregiver (or caregivers) than any other human on the planet,” says Joseph Spinazzola, PhD, a psychologist in Melrose, Massachusetts, and the managing director of the Complex Trauma Treatment Center in Boston. Rolling Stone reported that the book sold out on the day of its release on Amazon, Target, Walmart, and Barnes & Noble.Īnd, it’s sparking a lot of conversation about the many different ways parents abuse their children, and how adult children can work on healing past traumas, with or without their parents in their lives. 1 bestseller on Amazon’s nonfiction chart. The book caught the attention of audiences as soon as it was released earlier this month - it’s currently the No. In the book, McCurdy says she’s still processing the trauma she carries from her relationship with her mother, even though she no longer has to deal with her mother’s toxic presence in her life. In the unapologetically titled memoir I’m Glad My Mom Died, the child actor and star of iCarly Jennette McCurdy writes that her mother, Debra McCurdy, abused her physically, sexually, and emotionally until the elder McCurdy died of breast cancer in 2013.
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